There is a great possibility that I will never recover from what happened to me this afternoon...
Sound dramatic???? Well I am being totally serious. I may or may not have to take a sleep aid to make my mind stop replaying the terribleness that took place.
Here is how the story goes...
It was a lovely afternoon today. I was sitting on the couch, reading the dramatic comments on someones blog (there isn't anything better than good blog drama).
I was planning on commenting myself...nothing dramatic, of course.
I started to click on the comments link....wait...I feel something tickling my neck....
I brush it off. I look behind me (just in case, because I am paranoid like that). Do you know what I see?????
A FREAKING ROACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH. MY. GOSH.
The next 15 mins are a blur. I died. Then I jumped back up, and started frantically thrashing my hair everywhere. I jumped up and down, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Then I started cussing (you better believe there were words to be said). Then I started to hyperventilate.
I have never understood hyperventilating. I thought it was only something they did to make things funnier in movies. I NOW know that it is a true phenomenon. It really does happen to people when they are freaking out. I COULD NOT catch my breath. I started to shake. Then I started to have chest pain. SERIOUSLY...I was having chest pain!!!!!!!
All the while Grace started to cry because...wouldn't you? I probably scared my poor sweet 22 month old FOR. EV. ER.!!!
Spencer was MIA. No he was at Walgreen's. But HELLO...I needed him! He pulled up while I was still freaking out.
He was trying with all of his might to not laugh at me, and be understanding. But I think it was pretty hard not to laugh at me...I was OUT OF CONTROL.
Seriously...I am still out of control. I am STILL itching everywhere. I have a twitch in my neck (where that roach of all grossness, and filth was). Spencer saw the need to get me out of the house and QUICK! So he said "lets go on a walk". BRILLIANT...Spencer is so wise.
Off we went on a walk. Little did he know that I would randomly shake, and toss my hair around (just in case it was still there...totally logical). Also, I would talk very loudly...
For example.
Jami: "Spencer, IT WAS ON MY NECK, IN MY HAIR!!!"
Spencer: "I know, what do you want me to do, to make you feel better?"
Jami: "kill me...right now, I can not go on living in this horror"
You think I am being funny...not at all...sad, but true!
OH. MY. GOSH!!! Seriously...I haven't gone back on the couch since...it might be days...WEEKS till I go back there.
When I was prego there was a roach in the bathroom. I sat down to go pee, and then it ran across the floor.
I seriously wouldn't shower in there for days. Then Spencer had to shower with me, THEN after weeks of not showering alone I finally showered by myself.
BUT I forgot to wash my hair, and body b/c I was so paranoid!
Like I said...I will probably need narcotic sleep aid to help me sleep tonight....
20 comments:
I am right there with you. Those are the worst bugs ever. Really why the heck were they really created??? We have no need for them. They are gross.
Oh Jami! I probably would have reacted the same way if a roach had been on me. But your description of it all cracks me up!
Ugh! I HATE hate HATE those things... I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you.
SERIOUSLY? It was on your neck?!?! I would have freaked out too. I'm not really afraid of normal bugs...but all the weird ones here...ya..no thanks. SEEING one is bad enough. I hope you guys find it so you can kill it. Your post was funny though. Not gonna lie. I'm sorry. I love your story telling. But I am sorry it was crawling on you.
So Im crying. I just read this post aloud to ZAch. We died. Honey I AM SO SORRY!! That is disgusting. There are just somethings I dont understand why they live on this earth. Heavenly father must have a sick sense of humor with all this torment.
Dear Spencer,
This piece of advice has taught my engineer husband how to deal with a crazy woman as a wife. We don't want solutions, we don't necessarily want empathy. We want validation. Don't ask what you can do to make us feel better. We don't usually know or we would do it ourselves. We want our minds read. For example:
Jami, you have every right to be freaking out. It was a disgusting cockroach and I know you are scared of them. It's ok to keep swiping at your neck. (Must be said it complete and utter sincerity. Or lie convincingly)
I told my husband this a few weeks ago and he said, "Why didn't you say that three years ago?" And even though he says "the right thing" jokingly, it makes me laugh because it kinda is just the right thing.
Dear Jami,
OH MY FREAKING HECK! That is awful! I did practically the same thing when a scorpion stung me on the hand. I was convinced it was still stuck in my finger and kept flailing my arm. And I hyperventilated too. My mom almost brought me a paper bag :) I'm sorry that it happened to you!
Brett and I were laughing out loud as we read this, about half way through our computer shut off and we were like NOOO!!! but we got it back up and read it! I hate bugs, cant imagine having one on me!
JAMI. As you know, this has happened to me before (I wrote about it here: http://www.archiveslives.com/?p=457).
So I FEEL your pain. I KNOW your pain. It is an awful, awful thing, and you're right---you will probably NEVER recover. I don't blame you. That is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. It's very dehumanizing when a roach thinks it can just crawl on a person. I am so SO sorry.
LOL Jami I can totally picture it all! I was staying at my moms house and 2 nights I saw this same roach. My mom was like did you kill it? I was like no I didnt want it to attack me or even touch me!haha I feel you!!
Oh, poor Jami!! I'm so sorry you had a rough night!
Girl, I feel you. If you need to talk about sleeping aids and/or panick attacks I am your woman. Just ask Kami Stratton(Dewitt) about the time I sat on her Grandma's toilet and a cockroach fell on my head without me knowing. All of a sudden she says, "Everyone back away from Jeannie." I immediately started hyperventilating and crying. Then she's all, "Jeannie, it's okay, it's a cockroach." Then the tears really started to pour. I made her get it out of my hair while I was having convulsions. It was awful. Like I said, I feel for you. You have endured a horrible, horrible thing. I'd rather be stung by a scorpion than come in contact with a cockroach. I HATE THEM. They induce panick attacks for me...and yes they are real...heart palpitations and all...good thing you have a pacemaker.
Ummm, me again. I just got off my night shift and apparently turned stupid...I spelled panick instead of panic. Ooops, don't hold any other spelling errors against me:)
You are hilarious! The more I read your blog, the more I love you.
Are you guys going to make it to the reunion?
Oh my gosh! I totally know how you feel! I absolutely HATE roaches!! They freak me out so badly. After I see one, I just want to barf everytime I think about it. If one ever flew on my, I sereiously think I would pass out and then wake up and become hysterical too. They are so freaking discusting and dirty!!
This sounds so TRAUMATIC!!!!
BTW I like your posts in the bigger font! Much easier to read and enjoy!
That's awesome.
I remember something like that happening with a centipede walked across my bare foot, but then I think a centipede once ran up my mom's leg under her skirt in church once. That would probably be worse.
Thank a lot now I can't squirming and scratching. All I can think is how did it get to your neck? Did it come from the floor all the way up or from the ceiling down? YUCK!! I have a reoccurring dream that I step on a cockroach and instead of squishing it somehow gets inside my leg through the bottom of my foot. I think you need to take a turpentine shower just in case!!
I just came across your blog and girl i get it when our neighbors irrigate i wont sleep by myself or near drains!!!! roaches are srsly the grossest thing in the whooooole world no really!!!! if i see one i will pay someone to kills it or remove it i cant bear to even thinking of their sicknast selves i feel your pain
okay I dont know why Im just now seeing this post, I guess Im behind on my blog stocking, but I love how both you and Jeannie associate cockroaches with my grandmas house! those were the good ole days!
girl you need some prozac to calm yourself.. :) I love your spaztic storeies though! I have decided lately that I am braver than the roach, (i still hate them, don't overestimate me). but I was doing laundry and found a baby one, and I was so brave I didnt even make Craig come kill it! I just squashed it and tried to pretend it never happened!!! haaha I am laughing at myself right now cause i hate roaches. just convince yourself next time you see one you are not going to hyperventilate, I don't want to have to come recisitate you ;)
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