It seems that my high expectations keep biting me in the bum! Everywhere I turn my high expectations seem to get in the way.
Before I had my "procedure" done (pacemaker) everyone told me "this is no big deal", "oh this is going to be easy". All of the people in my doctors office said "oh this is a routine procedure!". I sorta felt the same way. I felt so strongly that this surgery was what I needed, that I think I thought I would just feel like wonder woman after I woke up from the "procedure". I thought that there would be no pain WHAT SO EVER, and I thought that I would wake up with boat loads of energy.
Now don't get me wrong. I still feel like the pacemaker was the right thing to do. And it was fairly simple...but i guess I was just expecting to do cartwheels out of the hospital. Obviously I was wrong. And now I am disappointed! I know I shouldn't be...but I am!
AND, I have something called "wuss syndrome". I am seriously PETRIFIED to be considered a "wuss". It really complicates things. I am always worried when I ask for help that the person I am asking will think I am a wuss. I am trying my hardest to get over it...but seriously...I think I might need therapy!
OK, so I am going to go over what happened. You might not want to know...but I want my future posterity to know...so don't read on if you don't want to hear details about my life. Also, don't read on if you think you might think that I am a wuss...it would break my heart!
So on Tuesday I knew there was a strong possibility that I would get my pacemaker. I was scheduled for the 23rd, but due to my doctor getting jury duty on the 16th I knew I might get in sooner. Well on Tuesday morning I called in and they said that I would go in at 12:00 noon, and be scheduled for 2:00pm. YES! I was so excited! So I tried to get my life in order.
Then at 11:30 I dropped Grace off at a friends house (such a relief to have a good friend to watch her), and then me and Spencer headed to the hospital. We waited...and waited. Then they called me back. They hooked me up to an IV (can I say how much I hate IV's...they give me the willies), and ran tests, and did all sorts of things. Then we waited some more...and more...and more. I finally went in at about 3:00pm. They brought me to another room, and hooked me up to all sorts of monitors, and put all sorts of lead blankets on me. Then they put a curtain over my head, and made me look to the side. Then they drugged me, and I was out. I woke up talking with my nurses. Only I was super drugged still...so who knows what I was telling them! I sleep for the better part of that night. I woke up at about 10:30, and called Spencer, and my mom. Then fell back to sleep, and woke up at 5:30.
It turns out that I was in pain! WHAT? I was so surprised! My arm, and chest were hurting. NOT TERRIBLY...but definitely pain pill worthy! So I called my nurse. She came in and I asked if I could have some pain relief (I felt like a TOTAL wuss). She brought me in some meds, but I felt better about myself (in a weird way) b/c I only took one of the pills. I went back to sleep. Then people wouldn't leave me alone. I had to do X-rays, and tests. I had to be "educated" about what was wrong with me. More tests. All the while I was so mad b/c I was in pain, and wasn't wanting to go for a quick 3 mile run.
I was so tired...I kept dosing off. I was dizzy, and I couldn't move my arm. I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED! finally they discharged me.
My mom came and got me. Then she took me home, where I slept some more. AND I took more pain pills (um...I REALLY felt like a wuss now). Anyways. Here I am on SATURDAY, and I am in little to no pain. But I am still really not back to myself yet. I am kinda bummed. My mom keeps telling me that it will take time...but seriously...I feel like a wuss!
I can't lift anything, I am not supposed to move my arm. I am tired. I can't dress myself...I can't wash my own hair. I can't pick up Grace. I can't stand for too long. I am worried that the leads came out of my heart.
THIS is nothing like what I imagined this "procedure" like. Not that it is really that bad...but what I expected has made it this way.
I don't have any pictures. But maybe I will take some. It is just right next to my chest...I don't want to be indecent. If you want to see my pacemaker...come over I will show you.
I hope that next week I will feel better. Wish me good luck!
18 comments:
Hang in there! I hope you feel better soon!!!
Oh, honey...I'm so sorry you're disappointed! It might be a "routine procedure" and that's good--but it's still a procedure involving you getting sliced open in the chest! Our bodies need time to recuperate (I remember being totally blown away by how much birth affected me) from this stuff.
Hang in there, darlin!
You are a good woman Jami! keep your chin up!
Oh Jamie! You are no wuss! You are tough!
You should have called me to help out with Grace! We would have loved to have her over. Her and Parker play good.
Hang in there. Let your body heal. I bet you will start feeling better next week!
In the hosptial, terms like "routine procedure" get thrown around a lot. To physicians and nurses, many procedures are routine. However, To patients, it's a big deal. What you are going through is normal. Give yourself some time to recover girl! Oh, and about the pain pill, don't feel like a wuss; why be in pain at the hospital? Makes no sense to me!
Oh Jami! I hope you feel better soon. If you need anything, please let us know. And while I totally understand not wanting to feel like a wuss, there are some things you're allowed to milk-- like surgery. If you're still complaining about it in a couple months so that people will keep bringing you dinner over, I'd totally understand. (people are bringing you dinner over, right?)
Oh girl, I feel for ya! You're no wuss! You know what, suck up all the lazy time you can get! You're body just had a serious change put upon it and you need to rest while it adjusts. Don't hesitate to rest and fully recover. There's no rush to be back to "normal" to quickly. You rock and will be better in no time so take advantage of the recovery time!
I would wash your hair for you anyday Surgery or not. Dont overdue yourself. Take time to rest and recover. Sleep... Sleep is good. Youll be back to yourself in no time... well Better than yourself.
You poor thing! It's MAJOR surgery and you have every right to take pain pills and lay in bed as long as you want.
You're not a wuss! Any time you do something invasive to your body it takes time to heal. And I think doctors base their comments on how easy the procedure is for them, not for the patient. I thought I would be on my merry way about an hour after the surgery, according to my doctor. How would he know? He was there for the 15 minute procedure and left before any of the recovery happened. But I'm sure you will feel better in a week or two.
girl! take those pain pills. and once you take them youll feel so good you wont even think about being a wuss. haha that sounds like i am a druggie. But seriously Jam, you have something foreign in your body. its freakin out! but dont worry im sure you will be the bionic woman in no time!! hope you feel better
You are brave! Don't feel like a wuss. No kind of surgery, big or small, is ever easy. I hope everything keeps going well! Take those pain pills dangit haha you're not meant to suffer more than you have to!
Wow, its already done. Congrats (I guess?) I'm sure it will get better. It stinks being out of commission and in pain. And you are soooo not a wuss. You don't know how nervous I have been about giving birth...I wish we were in the valley still and could help you out more. Get lots of rest!
I think you are awesome! You have been putting up with a condition that makes you tired for how long? And you've still been carrying on every day! And like Ashley said, you've gone through SURGERY! Just being put under anesthesia takes a big tole on your body! You will recover and then you can start doing cartwheels. I think it's amazing how tough you are being. I really am a wuss and kind of a whiner when I'm sick or something. So I'm amazed that you can be so tough about it :)
Anyway, hope it gets better!
Let me know if I can do anything for you! I would love to help you or watch grace for you anytime!
Umm...if you were a wuss, I'm sure we would have heard something of this problem that required this surgery. I've never heard a complaint of any sort.
yeah just take it easy! Don't try to overdo yourself because then you might be in more pain and don't worry about being a wuss you are much braver than me! I am horrible when it comes to any form of doctors and medical procedures! And if you want or need anything let me know!
You are not a WUSS! You had a major procedure done. I think that doctors mistakenly minimize 'procedures' and don't always let on to how you will feel.
It's okay to feel frustrated with how you feel. I am sure that each day will get better and better and before you know it--cartweels!
xo
Post a Comment